Ahab Marsh and Philip Marsh having a Theological Discussion in the Esoteric Order of Dagon (see below this important discussion for a beautiful photo).


(Ahab Marsh keeping the towns people up to date on current events, speaking peacefully and friendily to the faithful of the Esoteric Order of Dagon in Innsmouth Mass.)

AHAB MARSH: .......And so you see, my Brothers and Sisters of the Blood of Dagon, the new establishment, Circe's Palace, will be good for our town considering all the wonderful and modern renovations that have occurred, thanks to our Elders and the Other Nations allied to us from ancient times. You need not fear that a resort and dance club will turn the southwest area of our town into a slum. Rest assured, Circe's Palace will become known as the club with excellent performers, not to mention fantastic dance music made all the better by huge, sub-sonic sound equipment. As for the dancing girls at Poseiden's, they are on the outskirts of the town on South Woods Road and the establishment, run by esteemed Ralsa Marsh, is quite clean.  I am sure that Cthulhu and his Sons, Ythogtha and Zo......

(Sermon is interrupted by Philip Marsh)

PHILIP MARSH: Hmmm, mmff bro, Thu fang, yo. Thu fang. Yeah, Thu fang all y'all, yo. Ahab, Y'Thog ain no son o Thu, yo. Now you be KNOWIN what dem Yuggya tol and they be knowing dis shyit inside the inside from the get go; you know what I MEAN?

AHAB MARSH: You must be reasonable, Philip. Theologically, the Deep One Elders are in disagreement with the Yuggya Collective on the issue of Ythogtha and this is a small disagreement that doesn't really have impact on our Kind. ........And will you please REFRAIN from speaking street gang English in the Esoteric Order of Dagon. Proper English or R'lyehian are preferred.

PHILIP MARSH: Ah, fuck that, yo. I talking da god shyit if you done been listenin what I be SAYin. You know what I mean? So you starts wit that 'do this do that'? Gwon. Yo merman, watch out! It's YTHOGTHA comin down them angles. Now you know you be hop an run so fast and not even be ables to be SEEin Ythogtha, ain that right, Ahab, yo? Ain't that right all y'all? You hear what I'm SAYin?

Congregation: (sits attentively as a slow murmur arises amidst some)

AHAB MARSH: Pffffffphphph! Mgwg bwbw. You mean YOUR MOTHER is walking down the street. She is of the esteemed and honored Marsh Family. She respects her Elders and their ancient religion. She'd be horrified if she could.....

PHILIP MARSH: Yeah? So? Yomama so ugly even Dagon scared o her ass! Yomama so green she done be leavin handprints on grass! Heee heeee!

AHAB MARSH: How dare you speak to me this way? Well, I have news for you, son: yomama tentacles so BIG she done got STUCK in the Mariana Trench. Ha hah! Yomama so greasy with ichor that Dagon done SLIP off her ass and spill his black love juice all over the ocean. People thought it was a OIL slick! Ha hah!

PHILIP MARSH, (amused to hear the Esteemed Elder speak back to him this way): Yeah? Yomamma so STUPID she done doned the Third Rite o Dagon on EASTER and then she ax where her eggs be at! Yomama so HUNGRY she done ate up all the sacrifices before Obed Marsh, yo praisiname, even throwed down the Pyramid what bein to call y'all.

AHAB MARSH: (faces congregation as he speaks to the intruder and to the faithful flock) Ah, you see? This goes to show how uninformed this younger generation is. (Turns to Phillip Marsh) Technically, the pyramidal Calling Stone doesn't have to be thrown into the ocean if we are nearby in the first place. You DUMBASS. And considering the way we run things now, people wouldn't feel that they had to ESCAPE from Innsmouth if your generation didn't act like gang bangers.

CONGREGATION: (murmurs through the crowd) Ia! This is true, this is true.

AHAB MARSH: (continues): For instance, that poor man who came to visit our town with his lovely wife. What were you thinking? Why on earth would you...... (signs). They were terrified. How could you....

PHILIP MARSH: Well fuck dat excape from Izmuf shyat. Aft all this time, you still be yapping about that burb mofo and he ho who wandered into our hood? All I said to the mofos ho was sumpin like, :"So iz you down wif Katoolu? Ditch the burb, byatch. You wanna get DOWN wif Dagon, feel real good? You gotsa wiggle wiggle, baby. You gotsa jiggle that jelly what gets him all turned on." So what's wrong with dat? It's romantic, dats all.

AHAB MARSH: Well, if you at least made some attempt to appear more normal in public and not walk with a strange gait, hopping or shuffling down the street, heads hunched down and arms swinging as you walk, townsfolk, not just people, wouldn't feel so intimidated. It's one thing to be proud of Who you are; it's another thing to frighten people away. Do you have to all wear large, baggy clothes with pictures of guns on the shirts? Do so many of your friends have to wear their hair in that manner which makes it look as if they have tentacles on their heads like those Yuggya things?

PHILIP MARSH: Yo wait a minute! They be antenna to da Katullu GOD, know what I mean?

AHAB MARSH: Do you have to speak as you do in public?

PHILIP MARSH: Aleas I speaks. You croaks. And speakin o speechin, yo preachin be so damn boring it ain even gon inspire a spider to make a web. Asides from all dat, what be wrong wit what I be sayin? Gwon, yo, what be wrong wit it? I's axin serious.

AHAB MARSH: Wrong? People can overhear you speaking such horrid English and mutilated R'lyehian amongst yourselves. For example, when you kids say, "IA! IA! Mofo wuzup! Thu FANG." Do you actually intend to say, "Praise Praise, mother fucker what is happening sleeping Cthulhu?" And do you have to give yourselves such strange nicknames, such as "Blade Waite," "Ebola Marsh," "Guns Gillman?" Do you have to mar the buildings with your graffiti of strange ritualistic markings from, of all things, the Necronomicon, a book written by that literally MAD, Taliban-minded, woman-hating, pedophile Abdul Alhazred?


AHAB MARSH: You are incorrigible.

CONGREGATION: (shaking their heads).

PHILIP MARSH: Ok, ok. If dats how y'all wanna be. Ok. Ok, yo. Gwine, be dat way. Ok.


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